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Confidence & Self Esteem

Although confidence and self esteem go hand in hand we can often get the two of them confused.


Our Self-esteem is how we think, feel, value and believe in ourselves - it is our sense of self worth.   Our confidence on the other hand is the feeling of emotional security and self-assurance that we get from having that trust and faith in ourselves.  


Having low self-esteem can trigger feelings of anxiety, unworthiness, incompetence, guilt, frustration and low energy.  We can find ourselves avoiding new opportunities and challenges and being drawn into destructive relationships.  We may find ourselves being overwhelmed with negative thoughts and feelings and driven to use "people pleasing" behaviours in order to feel valued and accepted.

Understanding your core beliefs


At the heart of our self-esteem lie our core beliefs.  These are a set of deeply held beliefs that are formulated during our child hood.  They are the conclusions that we have drawn about ourselves from the experiences and relationships that we have had from birth and from the messages that we have received about the kind of person we are from our caregivers, families and friends that we hold as pure statements of truth.  


Put simply, if we have had strong bonds and positive experiences and messages about ourselves then our beliefs are likely to be equally positive and we will have higher levels of self-esteem.  If however, we have consistently received critical and negative appraisals growing up and experienced troubled relationships we are likely to hold more negative beliefs about ourselves and therefore experience the problems we face having a perception of a lower sense of self worth.

Although our confidence will vary according to what we are doing, we are much more likely to face crisis in confidence if our self esteem is low. A lack of confidence can be exceptionally debilitating and leave us feeling unequipped to deal with our problems and believing that being who we are is just not quite good enough. Negative beliefs about ourselves find expression in what we habitually say and think about ourselves such as self–criticism, self blame and self doubt. 

How I can help you

I can offer many tools and techniques alongside counselling to improve your self-esteem but it will take time and effort.  It will also take courage and honesty to confront your perception of  yourself, others and situations which will be largely to do with the way that you think. We are all a product of our past life experiences and relationships. If you are suffering from low self esteem, you will have been criticised by others and, sadly, believed what was said to you.  

With my support and encouragement, we can look at your personal history together enabling you to see more clearly your present situation and to understand your negative thinking and faulty beliefs you have made about yourself and others which maintain low self esteem and confidence.   


Perhaps your behaviours and relationships may be inadvertently recreating the familiar feelings attached to this way of being which are normal to you and therefore "safe".  Gaining this understanding means you will be offered an opportunity to gain a new perspective of yourself, a choice to behave differently and to learn how to develop compassionate self talk to build your self esteem and confidence. 


Reiki will help you relax and become mindful

A Reiki treatment is a fantastic way to relieve the physical symptoms of stress and anxiety that result from low self esteem and confidence as you will naturally go into a state of deep relaxation and calm. It is from this place that your body is offered an opportunity to go into its "repair" mode so that you can have the opportunity to replenish and heal. 

When we perceive the world through the eyes of somebody with low confidence and self esteem we can feel on constant high alert.  In this "protect" mode, to keep us safe we get run down and depleted and our immune system become compromised so that we can start to suffer from physical symptoms or feel unwell. Reiki treatments can "remind" us how to relax and many clients report that they leave feeling calmer and refreshed and that their difficulties with sleep can feel improved.  

Combat negative self-talk with a holistic approach

Constant negative self-talk has to be overcome before self esteem can be improved.   Whatever we repeatedly think and say about ourselves eventually becomes a belief held in our deeper mind which is responsible for driving our behaviours and our negative thinking. During a Reiki treatment, if appropriate,  I may use Hypnotherapy, to help you to relax even deeper where your subconscious mind becomes more alert and open to guided visualisations, positive suggestions, and deep metaphor that can facilitate beneficial change for you. 

EFT can help by focusing and removing the emotional charge that is attached to unhappy memories and negative beliefs.  Once these are out of the way you can begin to see improvements in the way you feel.

Therapies that help with Low Self Esteem and Confidence



Image by Philippe D.




I am an accredited and registered Counsellor & Psychotherapist with the BACP with over 14 years experience of working with individuals, couples and therapeutic groups in a variety of settings. 

Counselling is always at the heart of what I do, but by incorporating other treatments and techniques I can offer my own unique combination of therapies to effectively help clients to feel better on all levels.


Tina Deas

A Time For You, Counselling & Reiki Swindon

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